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Saturday, January 31, 2004
i'm all under the weather... woke up ard 12 noon... slept my ass off i guess. but my mum din make a fuss out of it. so tt's a miracle for today.... i wanna go riding in the evenin ard 5 or somethin... just ride... cos i'm feeling sucky... the bearer of bad news came to haunt me. so tt sucks.... and i guess i suck too... aaaaaarrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh..... 
Friday, January 30, 2004
soon it'll be february.... and i think the new yr is goin a bit too fast for me... slow down man!! february.... wat's on in february?? hmmmm.... well just fuck the whole damn mth and fuck the whole damn yr.... i just feel tt this is not my yr to excel in anything... i feel damn lazy, unhelpful, unentertained if there is such a word as unentertained..... and i just think i wanna lay back this yr..... well my resolutions state otherwise though! damn! tied by my resolutions!??!! guilty.... take each day as it comes i guess... sigh...... well i guess they say dun sigh so much unless u wanna grow old fast... but i am growing each day so sighing wun make a diff to me...
slacking right now..... listening to vertical horizon - best i ever had(grey sky morning)... well it's a strong song for me... well maybe u guys shld take a listen to it too.... i'll try to get the vid or something. yeah maybe tt'll be the mission for tonight... oh yah by the way!!! i got my semi acoustic guitar already!!! yeah bought it last week though.... just forgot to update u guys.... well it's a Cadenza semi-acoustic guitar... with equalizer too. and somehow i paid $250 for it.... ok so i splurged... but i wanted a semi-acoustic and i paid it with my own cash mind u.... well i guess somehow i shld start writing again.... cos it's been a while since i started writing with my guitar by my side... can't find the time but gotta relinquish the passion. yeah and maybe so i gotta be inspired by chris carrabba... he's like my main idol no matter wat pple classify him as.... yes he's the emo king! but i like his personality nonetheless... his writings are heart wrenching and mind reaching.... "this purchased rebellion has been outdated, denounced and rescinded and left to die, championless...." tt was from one of his songs...well u cld find his link on the right as well.... the dashboard confessional page....
and talking abt tt.... i gotta remain non-chalant bout the rest of the world but i can't especially in PA. responsibility just dawns on me. can't lay low anymore..... we can do it lads.... we're OCTs... so act like one.... cos pple expect nothing but the highest from us.... pls... we just have to excel.... dang.....
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
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back.....
::jufFeNder | | 1/28/2004 07:36:00 PM |
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for only a while tt is... well, i got my Criminal Law 1 exam tml... essay and MCQ altogether.... hmmm.... really freaking me out studying for all these things... somehow the lads seems to be fairing very well in dealing with the mass confusion i'm in... all the things i have to understand seems to be vaulting itself above me.... but it's better to try and study than no to study at all.
and back there in PA, had an interview session with my course manager bout my progress and such. academically and physically plus mentally. well it's a bit long winded but hell i think i'm doing ok... passed my first test and did pretty ok... better than i expected... for my IPPT results... still getting that silver medal but i'm hunting for the gold one. eluding me is just my 2.4 run. the others pretty much full score. damn the run. gotta reduce it by 30 seconds to get the gold. currently it's 10.14mins, so to get Gold, i gotta aim for a timing below 9.45mins. achievable? just try i guess.... and finally mentally, i guess i'm coping with peer pressure and such. get pretty worried or just a teeny weeny stressed out by things tt i take responsibility of. just want the things that i do to go smoothly with as little uncalled for remarks as i could get. but 4 mths in PA changed a little part of me i guess. i take responsibility a step above the rest i guess but some pple just dun understand my purpose to be there. teamwork they say.... but where's part of the team i wonder. the upper barrack seem to be in one level higher than the rest but i dunno bout the rest. just have to be cool, keep my head a little and just relax when it comes to duties. but not when i receive comments from staff officers bout me or my provost officers. tt i have to keep a level up. well tt's all i have to say for now. exam's tml.... gonna head back now. and burn the midnight oil and hopefully get somethings in my head. there's just one thing i can't stop thinking abt but it won't matter anymore. guess tt's the only thing tt fuels me goin thru this part of my life.... gonna prove some perceptions of me wrong by the time i'm through with it....
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
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letting a little bit of steam off....
::jufFeNder | | 1/21/2004 09:44:00 PM |
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back from camp today.... had interval training in the morn and just clean up after tt.... so it's pretty redundant lah. but i got the rest of the week off... goin back only on sunday wic is cool. but i intend to spend my time studying and finish off my report. gotta be serious in the studies part. cos i think i barely made it thru the first PPPO exam. lucky i passed i guess. well another paper is on the 29th of this mth. yeah, pretty soon huh. gotta find a quiet spot where i cld study. take note of tt juff! study!! do ur mum proud! hope to do tt by passing out as an inspector but how to pass out as inspector when i can't pass those darn exams they put us thru?? persevere till succeed they say. will keep tt in mind.
and Audi Fehdurahni, my senior, who is now officially an NSPI, he talked to me just now. i think i'm gaining a reputation as the next Foo Biao Da. hell i dun wanna be him and neither do i wanna be anywhere near or close to his standards. well i justify my actions whenever i'm on duty. tt's just me.... i wanna get the job done so i wun feel guilty of the responsibility handed over to me. if i dun set the reasonable target, who will?? well, the title of Head Provost sure is heavy but the discrimination is heavier. dun want pple to hate me or say words abt me tt's not justifiable of their actions. but i have my own standards to meet. guess tt's where perfection comes in and man.... these pple are nowhere close to perfection in terms of drills, discipline and even their own personal grooming. i have to remind them to tie their bootlaces in fact??? where's the self discipline in tt? pple telling u to tie ur boot lace? come'on. grow up for god's sake and just accept the fact tt some of the trainees are idiots! and u wanna talk to me tt i'm in the wrong? who'll get farked in the end when u guys dun march properly? who'll get farked when we try to be reasonable and let u guys go on the littlest things u pple do? and who'll get the worst reputation for correcting the mistakes u pple do? MY provost officers!! so get it into ur puny little brains, tt u can wayang when the time comes and u guys can slack with us when it's appropriate to slack. stooooppidd! pure stupidity i shld say. and stop comparing us with u pple. we're all the same! we're all doin national service aren't we? so why make life difficult? had enuff.... so even if they hate me, they're hating their own conscience.... fark these pple!
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
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i'm goin back now......
::jufFeNder | | 1/20/2004 08:51:00 PM |
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PA here i come... for a redundant day tt is... tml comin home again...
Monday, January 19, 2004
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my last day....
::jufFeNder | | 1/19/2004 11:44:00 PM |
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2 weeks have gone.... exposure to the real world for me was just the appetizer. there's still more about these humans wic i dun understand and i know i wun understand. feeling a bit sad leaving the crazy bunxh of pple whom i've worked with during this period. Faisal, Rias, Yeo.. Siti Sha'idah who guided me a lot... gonna miss them somehow... but i'll see them cos they'll be in my neighbourhood. so tt's cool. anyway, i'll be heading back to TRACOM in the coming nite. yeah.... it's funny how i thought of something.... i wonder how the world will look like without me and how i would look like when there isn't anyone left in the world.... weird but i just came to think tt wat if i was leading another way of life... somewhere distant. just far away... but coming back to reality... HELLO!! world check!! was drifting away into the abyss of my mind. coming back.... somehow these pple whom we call cops or policemen, they're just as human as we are. we get tired but we dun show it. we get frustrated and sometimes we do show it. and we are not as perfect as who might think we are. we're living in a society where one lives to make the world a living hell for the other. so tt's when the men and women in blue come in. to maintain the peace among u humans.... salute to these courageous souls.
well, during my tour of duty just now, siti was talking bout her baby just learning to walk wic i find very touching. and Yeo talkin bout his wife knocking off work at 7.30 at nite. so i was at the back seat just looking ard but listening to them too. and so siti suddenly popped up the question.... "so, juff.... how abt ur special someone?" i was turned super dumbfounded...... i replied,"errrmmm... dun have one..." and she was like...."LIAR!!" and i was like stoned for a moment. and yeo added salt to the wound... he and his cheena voice..."aiyah, if he have also wat can u do?? u married already wat!!" tt broke my "stoneness" and laughter filled the air.... it's funny when i can laugh when all of it is all made up.... but i think somehow Siti knew wat i meant when i replied her the answer... cos she saw my wallet and i kept mum abt it. i think she got the picture. anyway, she's a great mum i can tell.... calls up her hubby whenever she got the time and calls up her mum who's taking care of the baby.... pretty cool huh.... the workin lady. full respect to her.... great working with all these pple especially when they're so friendly and just so open to accept facts as they are. gonna miss u guys and gal.... goin back to TRACOM with a different mindset now....
Sunday, January 18, 2004
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rain....
::jufFeNder | | 1/18/2004 07:03:00 PM |
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yeah... and quite heavy too. i went to kandahar street just now to have a buffet lunch with my family. yes all 7 of us. so if i'm not wrong, altogether it costs around 85 smackaroos or so. my dad's gone haywire a bit by inviting us to eat tt buffet thingy. wat's gone into him anyway? maybe he forgot abt his condition. sad... well at least i didn't hold back. swept everythin tt was on display there. went for 3 rounds of it i guess. little u may say. but at least every round tt i go, i fill up the desert plate and build a mountain on it. mondo u may call... came home and started lazing ard. played the PS2 and surfed around the web. made a few adjustments to the blog and added tt video thingy there. if i find any vids tt's worth sharing then it'll be there for u guys to view too aight. well in the meantime, just enjoy wat i have to offer.... cheers! 
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i'm still here.....
::jufFeNder | | 1/18/2004 02:41:00 AM |
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just look at the time. well i'm still compiling my report of the attachment. haven even reach half of it. too many adventures to include in it. but maybe i'm just doin last minute work.... as usual lah ah.... well come to think of it, i'm enjoying this serenity of nite.... the stillness of the room, with DIDO singing on the laptop.... and just me doin my report... can be considered peaceful i might say... for those of u who dunno who DIDO is... pls check her out... www.didomusic.com.... she's a very nice lady with a very nice voice. that song she sang, errmm... here with me.... from her first album, No Angel, still kinda fills my head. heard it first when i saw the series Roswell.... great i tell u... the first series to tt show really rocks. shld check tt out too... but now they have the continuation of series wic i haven been catching up on. but still i like that story... max and liz for the first time... nice.....
Saturday, January 17, 2004
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strange feeling in me....
::jufFeNder | | 1/17/2004 10:22:00 PM |
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been feeling a bit uneasy the whole day today.... dunno wat's wrong. can't seem to slouch on the couch and just watch tv. something's wrong but i dunno wat. really messing with my mind. well it's not raining or anything and neither is it cloudy...... hmmm i wonder wat's happening to me or someone close or just anyone i know.... or maybe it's too much sleep? guess not lah... haven been sleeping well either.... i dunno man... weird.....
Friday, January 16, 2004
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last few shifts... hmmm...
::jufFeNder | | 1/16/2004 03:35:00 PM |
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hey i've got one more night shift and one more day shift before i head back to TRACOM police academy. to be frank, at first i thought attachment period is supposed to be farked up period. but as i go along, i find the work very interesting as u can read in my previous entries. dun feel tt sucky or anything, just sleepy tt's all. but it's all fun and interaction with the public is just great. at least i managed to right the wrongs and just assist in upholding peace ard here.... now dun feel like goin back to training once again. it'll be like, waking up in the morning just to face 5BX or provost duties.... but i wanna wake up in the morning looking forward to the different things tt might happen outside... but guess not huh.... cos in the end, once i pass out of training command [TRACOM], it'll be an office hr life or somethin like tt. somethin i'm not lookin forward to. shit man....
anyway, life is not all abt police for me i guess. i still need my music life and some other life tt i look forward to live in but can't seem to find the partner for it.... anyway....well Zalo, asked me to play drums for his band or somethin. somethin like Red Hot Chili Peppers concept kinda music. might take up tt post. let's just see how the few jammin session goes first. but i guess my dream band wld be one tt plays original music, alternative emo to indie to semi-punk rock kinda tunes.... then it'll be great. something like....Finch, LinkinPark, Dashboard confessional, The All-American Rejects, The Juliana Theory, 3 Doors Down..... but where to find these down to earth players...
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
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conscious....
::jufFeNder | | 1/14/2004 09:27:00 PM |
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yes conscious of everything i do rite now. imagine standing on the MRT today and i was practically looking out for suspicious characters!!! paranoid android man.... i was searching for foreigners and such who look damn gawky... wat's happenin man??!! this is pretty shitty... i dun wanna be aware of wat i'm doin all the time. i wanna be non-chalant and dun give a damn bout everything. but it seems tt i can't do tt anymore. somehow the responsibilities have dawned itself upon me... not the same anymore... modified, upgraded into a better citizen?? i dunno... i wanna be the punk rock hearing, alternative sounding, shirt and jeans wearing kinda person... and i hope i'll still be able to do tt someday. ORD maybe!! long way to go lah....
but anyway.... i managed to catch LOTR : return of the king today rite after work.... so late then watch huh?? but i've been wanting to and my frens dun mind watching it for a second time.... so wat the heck... just saw one of the greatest battles ever.... tt aragorn character reminded me of something... this came across my mind when i was watching him do the final battle wic really striked me....
he rounded up his men and talked them to be brave when goin to battle, showed no fear and fought for somethin he believed in or maybe he was fighting for a future he was certain to be in.... and sometimes, just sometimes in life, we have to be like him.... he was deemed to be king and tt he shall not runaway from, but gathering up courage to go to war is another.... we have a future wic we can't run away from, a future wic only we can sculpt with our own actions. sacrifices have to be made in order for us to see tt future. gather up all the courage to fight for something we believe in.... something wic fuels us inside... something we could look forward to spending with in the future. the war is not with others but ourselves. it's a war in us tt we should overcome just to see wat the future holds for us. believe in wat u see is true, fight for the one u cherish and cherish the ones who made it all possible.... and this will somehow amount to the conscience tt we have in all of our hearts now. a conscience tt will guide us in one way or another.... some might not understand wat i'm talkin abt, but try to understand it somehow....
Monday, January 12, 2004
hmmm somehow the backgrd music has gone silent... i'll fix it some other day. well i haven had lunch yet though it's time to eat. my mum's yelling but i'm ignoring. haven got the appetite to eat yet. was browsing thru a lot of things just now. online i mean. bands, to art to mails.... there's a lot of things to see but i wanna spread them along the way so i wun get bored so easily in the end. u know wat i want right now? i wanna chill with the rest of my frens whom i've not seen in a while. they're busy and i'm busy.... just wanna meet them just to catch up on things. especially me best bro James. sorry dude but been really occupied with all these police national service stuffs.
- the rest of the Whiskey Coy BMT lads....
- my secondary sch frens....
- soccer kakis...
- someone in particular....
all the people i've had great times with.... i meet them outside but they can't seem to recall my name and i can't seem to recall theirs too.... so in the end we just walk away. but in my mind it'll be like, "damn i know tt guy/girl!! the name is....???!!!!" and my mind goes blank... sorry dudes. but my brain's like a fish.... so u gotta excuse me.... the world is small but my mind is much much smaller overpopulated with memories i dun wanna cherish... so tt leaves little space for names... shucks huh.... anyway i need to catch some sleep in order not to be sleepy later at work.... but how sia?? not sleepy... ah dun care ah... i'll just be a couch potato for the rest of the day.... i'll see u guys on the flip side....
Sunday, January 11, 2004
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i'm practically BLIND.....
::jufFeNder | | 1/11/2004 11:56:00 PM |
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yeah probably i am goin blind right abt now........ my eyes are like forsaking me already. yeah back from my shift work wic ended abt 8 plus or so just now. well i did a lot of work today. and i mean a lot. made full use of myself in attending complaints and stuff. i'm supposed to be the in charge of cases the next shift i'm in.... well we're talkin abt 20 hrs time?? yeah nite shift begins right abt tt time.... tired? no... just a little mind tension. anyway, i attended 2 death cases in the morn... talk abt startin the day huh? and it was rainin practicallly 3/4 of the day here. just recovered... pls GOD, dun put me back in the sick zone. shanks.... i'm workin my ass out for the few times in my life. finally finding something i'm somehow interested in doin. but i dunno.... hope to pass out as an NSPI but i can't sign on after tt..... further studies? i'll go overseas if i cld, but i wanna make it on my own. how to tell tt to my parents?dun wanna burden them anymore. i think they did enuff already. somehow i shld be the one contributing to their needs instead of them contributing to mine. well.... all the world needs now is... love... sweet love..... *sigh*.... i guess tt's wat i need now too i guess.... it's just so empty....
Saturday, January 10, 2004
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askin dun mean u're dumb...
::jufFeNder | | 1/10/2004 01:07:00 AM |
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well i know i wun be bloggin today.... at nite or maybe somewhere there's time.... cos i'll be pretty occupied. so i'll just punch in watever i have to punch in today. supposed to be asleep now but was doin some typin for a friend.... and remember... no one's dumber than me!! so if u're askin for help or anything, tt wun mean u're stupid or anything.... it's a clever and more efficient way to work. as long as i can help then i might as well do it.... well everything's quiet ard here.... everyone's asleep while i'm strapped with my headphones browsing thru deviations and typin at the same time..... amazing wat all these artists can do. wun reach their standard of perception of the world ard them definitely..... they can create space and make their imaginative mind do the living for em.... they're just gods of their worlds definitely.... salute them too... well, i had a nice time flippin thru their world..... nice.....
Friday, January 09, 2004
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i slept the whole day off..... goodness...
::jufFeNder | | 1/09/2004 07:35:00 PM |
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yes i slept the whole day off.... finished my damn damn damn damn DAMN interesting night shift at ard 9+. came home after breakfast wic was ard 10 and kinda just crashed out on the sofa. wanted to wake up to go for prayers, but in the end i couldn't even open my eyes when it was 12. dang! but relating to my nite shift, it was really an enriching experience. kinda prefer those kind of work than paperwork!! it was a real "happening" night where different interesting cases evolved and i attended and assisted in all of it. super cool. made me learn a lot and gain more respect for these men and women in blue guarding the nation who's busy minding their own business. great. yeah felt better too. didn't feel feverish until when i was headin home. somehow i broke my helmet's visor too. cranky i guess.... a bit sluggish after work. left dealing with my running nose while sleeping. but i'm quite awake lah right now. still workin tml and the day afetr and the day after and the day after. hehe. great! but i'm not lookin forward to "i-branch" attachment. heard it was sucky. anyway, i'll just punch in later at nite if i have the mood to. woooOooOoottTTttsssSSS~
Thursday, January 08, 2004
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pheeeewww....
::jufFeNder | | 1/08/2004 02:32:00 PM |
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alrighty! played ard with my settings for this one. still dunno most of these html stuffs. but i'll work on it. my fever subsided a bit but it's still too early to say. running nose still there though. gotta get some rest before headin to work..... gotta be mentally ready for the action!! woohooooo!!! *cough-cough* ok ok no more shouting... by the way, i was browsing thru to find tt background... tt girl on the right looks nice enuff and from far she does look like amy from evanescence... cool
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
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nothing's worth assuming...
::jufFeNder | | 1/07/2004 10:05:00 PM |
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i began my police division attachment today.... shall not talk bout the cases as they're sensitive and i might be liable to be charged... somehow i was doin nothing but listening to the funny cases pple report in. and damn police work is tough! do not underestimate the scope of the job... as they say..,"jack of all trade but master of none.." tt's the ladies and guys in blue u see patrolling outside.... they work their ass out just to please the public..... and tt's hard. but still i'm looking forward to the challenge... the bad news.... my fever got way high to 38.5 degrees by the time i reached home.... super sick right now but i ate my medication already.... gonna sleep after i blog this in.... gonna wake up at 2 to eat it again. anyway, i'll be doin nite shift tml... so can recuperate in the morning till afternoon or so..... wish me luck and just pray tt i'll recover in time... or else my shift will be sucky due to my state.....
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
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sound u're hearing....
::jufFeNder | | 1/06/2004 10:31:00 PM |
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well this one's from my previous blog too.... it's just a kickass song to me.... all american rejects - last song.... yeah... u guys enjoy.... rock on!
well here i am.... done with the setting up of the page.... got the basic stuffs out... feels better than my old blog site definitely. well i'm still running the damn flu..... u pple just hang out a bit while i try to find time to work on the details aight....
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