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all music and lyrics ©opyright of all artists mentioned
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| exp3r|encEs |n L|f3 exPresS3d thRu mY thoUGhts.... |
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||--str|v3 n3ver t0 eQuaL buT t0 exCeL--||
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
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things i gotta say
::jufFeNder | | 5/31/2005 07:27:00 PM |
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been a while since i last punched in. but i've been busy with lotsa things. work is one and spending time with my loved one is another. so there are 2 main things on my mind right now among others. i'm just taking time off here at work to punch this in. yes look at the time.
anyway, i know my friends are wondering why am i mentioning all the things that i've been mentioning in my previous posts. honestly i haven been honest with you guys except for a few of my close pals who took time to ask who the person on the display picture on my MSN was. in short, i should say that i'm attached now. not to whitephoenix but to someone else.
then the next question will be why dump all the effort i put into taming the whitephoenix and go for another. the answer is simple. i can't live a lie anymore. i tried to figure out why my explanations keep bouncing back to me. i was facing the wall. day in and day out i tried to think that i was the one for the whitephoenix but i've been smashing my heart against the wall everytime i see her. i won her family over, i know. but i had to breakaway from all that cos i want to move on. i can be in tune with her family all i want but i'm not in tune with her. it's hard when pple have that perception of who i am but i'm not that person they think i shld be. i can't live that way. it's so wrong.
'tell me now just what am i supposed to, should i sit and wait for you...' - perfection through silence::finch
i'm sorry if i had to do this in order to move on. but love is selfish and my heart does not carry enough strength to carry on with this. i practically dropped my heart into a pail of nails cos i can't hold on to it anymore and she wasn't there to save it from fallin in. you should try being in love with someone and doing all the things that you have to do with all the sacrifices of time and space and receive not even a percentage of it back. it kills. friends do mention this and that but why talk when you can't even make it work in the first place. as they say, you can't even fall out of the ship when you didn't even want to board it in the first place.
if i'm in the wrong then i'm sorry but you have to understand me cos i can't do this anymore. i'm just so sorry to disappoint your parents. i really am.
i gave my heart to someone else cos i wanted to. being in love and being loved in return is a blessing. and that's all i'm asking for. love me for who i am and not turn me into someone who i'm not.i'm in need of someone whom i can grow old with. i talked to my colleague at work. yes you know who you are if you're reading this. the human mind is trained not to let go of the pple who they cherish. but i gotta let her go cos i'm in love with another. and i know that it'll be better off for me this way. i wun disappear into the shadows and pretend that the past did not happen cos it did. and i'm facing it cos i want to move on to the future with ida. yes now u know her name.
there's so many things that i can't put in words. but my heart now belongs to ida and i'm so looking forward to meeting her and falling in love with her again and again everyday. pray for the best for me even if you're starting to hate me. i'll keep my priorities within reach and embrace this new line of life with me. come what may...
'words... can't express the way that i'm feeling now... pictures... won't even paint the scene that i'm in... life... is everything that you are to me...'
Monday, May 23, 2005
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for you...
::jufFeNder | | 5/23/2005 05:38:00 PM |
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i actually walked into a music shop in Toa Payoh on saturday after soccer with the lads. and if found this album selling itself at $10.90 and i know everyone would go 'huh?' upon mentioning the band 1927. yes they're a band from ages ago. first time i heard this song was when glenn ong actually played the song on the airwaves for a requestor on say it with music back then. and i actually remembered the song til now. maybe it's because he only played it once and i was hoping he'd play this song more often back then.
anyway, the song kinda got on to me over the years but i forgot the band's name now and then, so itt explains why i didn't get the album sooner. but it's like when i saw 1927 on the shelves, i picked it up and look at the song listings. 'If I Could' immediately caught my eye. so without hesitation i bought it. i know. very decisive for the wrong reasons.
hope you guys enjoy this song... for you also dearest.
1927 - If I Could
If I could paint
I'd paint a portrait of you
The sunlight in your eyes a masterpiece of truth
And a single tear like a silent prayer
That's shining so much brighter than a diamond ever dared
If I could do anything at all, I'd do it for you
If I could write
I'd write a book for you
A tale of hidden treasures with an I.O.U
And a million words wouldn't say a thing
That won't be said in three words
Where love's the central theme
If I could do anything at all, I'd do it for you
Chorus
Darling can't you see
What you mean to me
Anything that I can do I'll do it for you
And darling don't you know
Just how far I'd go
Anything that I can do, I'd do it for you
Sometimes I feel so second-rate
Seems loving you was my greatest mistake
I know I'm insecure
And love don't keep score
But I wish I could give you more
If I could play
I'd play up a storm for you
A raging sea of passion that you never knew
Every whispered sound would touch your heart
And maybe for a moment I could be your favourite star
If I could do anything at all
If I could, I'd give you more
If I could do anything at all…..I'd do it for you
Chorus
And darling can't you see
You mean the world to me
Anything that I can do I'll do it for you
And darling don't you know
Just how far I'd go
Anything that I can do I'll do it, I'll do it for you
I'll do it, do it for you
Saturday, May 21, 2005
you and me.... we're on a different level now...
Sunday, May 15, 2005
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evening walk....
::jufFeNder | | 5/15/2005 11:01:00 PM |
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went out with my mum and siblings just now to take a walk. it's all the way down to seletar mind you. on the way, i picked up this little terrapin who wanted to cross the road. which inhuman person leave it there far away from the water? i dunno... bastard... so i was on a mission to get this little dude to the water. and i did. another good deed for the day. awesome.
so we went there and i think it kinda helped loosen up the thigh muscles. i needed to stretch it and yeah i'm glad i did. so we just sat there and watched the day turn into night before heading back.... here are some other photos...
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thanks...
::jufFeNder | | 5/15/2005 04:27:00 PM |
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thanks to the 5 or 6 outstanding tackles i received yesterday, i'm homebound on a sunday. seems like i'm getting this treatment every match that i played. but i think yesterday's match against the reccos was the worst so far. the pitch was wet from the rain and yes i agree it's very ideal to launch those sliding tackles. but on the same guy throughout? give me a break. was playing with a slight cold to begin with, so i apologise for my fitness rating yesterday. the 1st tackle that brought me down caused damage to my right thigh. i think his knee jammed into my thigh for that one. but at that spur of moment, i knew i could carry on... but then the tackles came in fast and furious and since i'm pretty fed up i should just take myself out of the game and i did. with the cold setting in, yeah i knew it wasn't me in my best form. shall return for the next one against sony. allow me to recover first...
so no jamming for this week and last week too. hmmm.... for the next few weeks i'll be tied down with police week events and parades etc etc... so i dunno if could make time for jamming. even have to skip soccer for the next 1 or 2 sessions i think. i'll see how i can accomodate. but it'll be pretty packed i can say... so i'm sorry if i had to reject any invitations to go out or something like that... unless u're that special someone... haah.
anyway, i named this entry as 'thanks' cos i wanted to thank someone too. it's been great this past few days and it feels like i'm just back to the same old me. maybe it's just fate lah i should call it. 8]
through sickness and health... and everything else...
Thursday, May 12, 2005
i need to be honest.... i'm in love.... after these few days of understanding each other more... i'm more deeply in love...
we confessed... and the feeling is mutual... i want to move on... so do you... so here we are standing facing the horizon welcoming the dawn of the new era. my past behind me, promises i needed to break, hearts i need to forsake... you, took a bold step in taking my heart and placing it in your hands... and i dun even feel the pain...
i want to move on and see the future... and being in love and being loved in return is a bliss. you came at the right moment... the point where i needed to break free... u were there to unlock the chains... for that... i love you...
Saturday, May 07, 2005
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faltering me...
::jufFeNder | | 5/07/2005 10:50:00 PM |
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there's things that i wanna say but i know i can't until further review of the situation. i need to do a lot of things and disappoint a lot of people and i really mean people who are close to me or people who gave me their trust. i have to dent that trust a little for me to move on or else i'll stay stagnant for years to come. i dun wanna lie to u guys and neither do i want pple to carry false hopes on me. cos i can't let u nice pple do it...
there are matters i've got to rectify and i know it'll just make matters worse. i know it's gonna hurt telling the truth, but the truth of what's happening now is imminent. i can't hide it, neither can i pretend that it did not happen cos it happened. and i want to look ahead to the future feeling ensured rather than keep on fighting a never ending battle.
i'm just not strong enough to carry on like this...
Thursday, May 05, 2005
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checkmate... soulmate
::jufFeNder | | 5/05/2005 02:02:00 AM |
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it's funny how people come in and out of your life. sometimes, you won't notice how they've affected you in the past, but upon their return, you can't get enough of each other.
what have i been doin in the past decade? i do not know. chasing dreams and shadows alike but never been able to get a foothold on any of em. been on a merry-go-round where times had to be spent fighting for something u're losing. but in the end... the merry-go-round will come back to the same spot u've been to, but introduces you to the other side of the coin. the nicer side, the flip side. and even when things are not going my way at the moment, things are definitely starting to look up for me right now. i've ended my wait... the whitephoenix is on the other side now.... and.... i've moved off the merry-go-round.... i've moved on....
today shall be the final test. and i hope we can get thru this with crystal understanding....
Sunday, May 01, 2005
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new american classic
::jufFeNder | | 5/01/2005 02:18:00 PM |
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i present to you... new american classic by taking back sunday. kinda like this tune by them. different from their other tracks so to speak. this song is from their 'Where You Want to Be ' album and yes the whole album is is just awesome if u were to ask me...
"We've got to get better," I said, "It's all in your head."
We could live through these letters or forget it all together
See the months they don't matter it's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away
Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Try to avoid it but there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing about
When all that we need is just a reaction
It's too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore
If chasing our dreams is just a distraction
I want to remember when I know that I can't go back
Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Try to avoid it (try to avoid it) but there's not a doubt
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about.
Just ask the question (just ask the question) come untie the knot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Retrace the steps (retrace the steps) as if we forgot
Say you won't care, say you won't care
Try to avoid it (try to avoid it) but there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about.
for you
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