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Thursday, December 30, 2004
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honours, glimmer and round up to a whole year
::jufFeNder | | 12/30/2004 10:47:00 PM |
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i'll be punching this in cos i know i wun have time tomorrow to do later. i'll be working in the morning, then afternoon i have to head to choa chu kang to do an interview, then in the evening i have a dinner and dance to attend and to cover of course. so i wun have time for the personal time in front of the comp later.
ok... even before i knew it, 2005 is already knocking on the door. it's been a year of ups and downs and just experiencing some fabulous moments of life stored in the mini section of my life. oh well a quick rekept of what had happened in the year 2004.
new year, well was still in camp trying to figure out other ways to reach the inner me. finding ways to push myself to get those talents resting in the pits of my soul to wake up. officer cadets training had always been fun... the days we spent up in the mess... OBS and the killer kayaking trip to southern islands.. or just having PT in the rain with FI Yusman. we lived thru those times and i am surely one who will treasure those moments. there's still the attachment periods to land divisions where i knew i met lots of great people and learning was just as fun when i'm with them... thanx to the pple of Yishun north and south NPC. u guys rock alright. patrolling with my longtime friend jayson ang aka isyak was something i never thought wld happen but it did. so tt was cool.
led the cadets out during the POP as a contingent commander also rocked. it was one way to end the long days of training with a bang. i'll never forget the day i held that sword with pride. not to mention mum and dad putting on the ranks for me. i think tt is just superb. and got the officer cadet's achievement award as well. oh well.. wic top malay cadet didn't get that may i question...
so now i'm a peter parker and more of the SPF. shan't dwell on tt since i've been talking bout it in almost every entry.
oh yeah! not forgetting the emo trip to tioman with dudes from the heartland. lemme recall. shahidir, hasry, cheng lai, melvin, jason, zhiwei, kai-quan, chun mu and me... man that trip is like the most relaxed trip ever. even paradise is a minor word for that place. i wanna stay there... with my wife that is... we'll wake up and smell the waves every morning... and eat by the seaside.... ok juff stop dreaming!!! anyway... the tioman trip is awesome. a great getaway after 9 mths of training...
oh well, back home the gang still remains the same... it's still tight with me, matt, james, ivan, ann and val... james and matt's in the NS clan as well. val's been to melbourne and back. ann and ivan's still in poly getting their dips. but were cool. at least we meet up occasionally for movie treats and just hang out.
had my forte 3 concert where mum was there.... plus performing with the rest of the alumni was farkin cool. and at least 14 days of planning didn't go to waste. haah! but we pulled it off thanx to mr tan...
ok.... so tt's like abt it.... my plain jane year... hope 2005 will be a blast. i'd like to thank those who made my year a living hell and heaven. friends who re-appeared out of the blue... pple like ameliah... those who i wished were at the performances and my POP just to witness where i stand and share my glory... but if u weren't there, who cld blame u? but i really wished that those pple who weren't there... were there...
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
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wants and needs...
::jufFeNder | | 12/28/2004 11:39:00 PM |
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was just surfing around trying to find something to write abt... so i checked up on music etc etc etc... went to my friendster account and just browse thru my frens. hey most of em have really gone far in their lives. it's not them u remember from yesterday. cos they've seem to step on a bigger rock in life and they're happy there. one thing about this is tt it reminds me to buck up if i wanna go far... and yes i wanna go far! lemme be a... i mean... i wanna be a.... lemme see..... ok... so i dun have a direction in life now. will i have one later? times running real fast for me now. i'll be out of national service come september. think about it... i have 9 months left! damn. and i thought for once NS is slow. wat will i do after tt? crap...
talking abt my frens, it's just amazing to see where they are right now. it seems like they're doin something wic real grown ups do... u know, get the money, have a stable relationship... plan for the future. carry off the adult look... no more converse shoes... something formal most of the time. something presentable. something stable. then how come i'm still wearing sneakers, jeans and a funny shirt off my back? should i change for the new year? maybe set my goals to something more feasible. something more attainable.
like....
1 - get a girlfriend who really cherish u for who u are and not u trying to force urself to make her love u...
2 - be on time for major events like goin out or just plainly coming to work....
3 - shave often and smile more and take things more seriously too.
4- stop whining..... tt's important...
5 - do something that u like for a change or at least be optimistic most of the time and see the positive things in life as a bonus.
6 - if god permits, go overseas and study something so tt getting a job back in singapore will be much easier.
well these are just a few "wants" in life. in my life tt is... what do u want? what do u need? what do u want to future to be? my path for the coming new year is as vague as my shadow. but i want to be someone respectable in the near future... i want to have someone caring for me as much as i care for her..... i need to break out of my teenage shell... and i need to be someone new but still i want people to be calling me juff.....
Sunday, December 26, 2004
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ah beng, photoshoots and me
::jufFeNder | | 12/26/2004 10:46:00 PM |
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hey ho... alright... let's start from yesterday shall we? went out with the guys... say first, met ivan, val, ann, matt and james at starbucks and just chill there for a while before all of us except ivan decided to head out to tampines to infiltrate seoul garden and have a feast. damn man... first time i actually paid 25 bucks to eat something. and not just something lah... a lot of things actually. so, it's like we had a great meal and just enjoying each other's company.... and yeah we joked abt val and her bf as well... it's her first relationship mind u... so we're like over protective and kinda interrogated the guy who actually won her heart over. haah... and yeah she was like under so much pressure u cld see it from her face. but yeah, it just shows tt buddies do care.... and if tt guy breaks her heart... may god bless his empty soul...
after that val decided to go home and tt leaves me, james, matt and ann to venture out. we headed to pasir ris park but couldn't get a lot for the car Ann was driving. so we went round and round... took some photos and ended up in lower seletar where we took more photos and just chilled out..... here's some of em....
this is ivan... the molecular biotech ah beng... yes he's doin science in NYP now... cool dude...
Ann our buddy. aka baby face assassin. he has tt ang moh look in him but he's purely beng at heart... hahaha...
best bud bro james. he's doin ns now... so tt explains the snow cap. this was taken before we were bein chased away by cops. haah... restricted area lah.
ok... the rest... i let u all see lah... quite some artistic shots.... but nice nonetheless...
well i had a blast of a time with em. everytime. and like they say, u will have buddies who stick by u for life. and these are my close buddies. go crazy with em anytime. we have dreams and ambitions and visions of life that we share and i think tt just builds up the bond between us. the close camaraderie if u were to call it. i hope one day i can reminisce these times with my grandkids and remind them of how i used to live and love life....
Saturday, December 25, 2004
heya... welcome to the new layout... deciphering life... it's never an easy task... u go thru it whoever u are... it's a test... enjoy...
Friday, December 24, 2004
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i got a bad feeling about this...
::jufFeNder | | 12/24/2004 01:44:00 AM |
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i got a bad feeling about this... i got a bad feeling about this...
just rambling the words of the song playing. ok if it hasn't played yet... just press the play button at the bottom of the tagboard... yes it's there. so just scroll down and press play... it's by taking back sunday... and it's called A decade under the influence....
for me tt song it depicts life for the past 10 yrs.... or so i first thought love existed... and yeah so now i just thought it was so wrong to think what i' had thought wat love was back then. anyway, i love the band... and their music. so it rawks...
had my dinner with the guys at furama riverside and i was late for an hour... haah! yes i realise i have a huge problem with time. it's not my enemy but i just dun fancy it. i wanna be anywhere, anytime i want but hell time is always there to prove otherwise. so my new yr's resolution to try to at least be a little early... or not so late next time? ok cool...
anyway... i'm tired... so i'll doze off now.... happy birthday me... start of the new chapter at 2330 hrs jufF.... thank your parents first before that... they've raised me to be the person i am today. so parents... u guys rock!
thanks for the chocolate [39th NSI], the CD i think cos i haven opened the wrapper yet [thanks to brudda nick] and the shirt plus seaweed from Korea [thanks to mummy agnes, she's been great]. so yeah what else could i ask for? well i've already made my wish... but hell... wishes are for keepsake, just to keep urself motivated and happy. can i wish for someone now?
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
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change of heart
::jufFeNder | | 12/22/2004 10:55:00 PM |
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home bound... first day of work for the week. had monday and tuesday cut from the week... well not really. dad was hospitalised cos he had a hard time breathing. so i was deployed on night duty as a sentry. ok, it was an obligation i had to carry out. but still, i felt it was hard trying to change a person. and i know i can't for a person can only change himself if he wants to. if his ego takes over from everything, then there's no point trying to salvage anything. just dump ur words and let him pick it up on his own... well... let's just say i pray for him to amend and just wake up to see reality. life is precious, so... just wake up....
i know i promised not to write a song a bout her... but it's a promise i had to break cos my heart is just bleeding for this song... thus i put my heart on paper and conjured something up for her... i'll give u guys a glimpse of the first verse... tt's all...
tell me a story
where two worlds were meant to be
sing me a love song
and get me to believe
drop me a lifeline and get someone to pull me through
bring me back to life
just bring me back to you...
cheers!
"the constellations will not shine forever... by the time they burn out, all u have to do is regret... no constellation is ever the same"
Sunday, December 19, 2004
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ok this is the space for titles....
::jufFeNder | | 12/19/2004 01:35:00 AM |
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19th december 2004.... the year seems to have gone by so quickly... isn't that wat i wished for? well... when times are bad... like sometime earlier... i'd just want time to pass quick... but like today.... i'd wish for time to freeze. or at least slow down for me.
ok, so i worked today... last minute call up on friday just burnt my saturday for me... but at least i got to see her after that. so i think it's fine. gonna have ample rest on sunday. but i wanna go out and take photos... how? hmmm... see my mood lah... if lazy... forget it...
i've been working on a song lately but haven got time to complete it. and i've got a feeling that they're gonna get me to perform something for the dinner and dance on 6th January 2005. i just have that little feeling they're gonna do something. but hell... tt remains to be seen. and i haven asked anyone yet for the dinner and dance. basically all my companion will have to do is just go there and eat... and just accompany me for the dinner, tt's all. hmmmm... and also prevent me from doing anything stoopid...
oklah... 20th december coming soon.... gonna dress all black for that day. it's a day to remorse actually. or i shld take it as a day to remember and move on. cos last year something really bad happened on 20th dec. maybe it was a test i had to go thru in order to ask myself whether my heart was the one leading my actions now. never mind...
alrighty.... i gotta crash out now... and just chill on sunday..... back to work on monday too... damn nice.... i love my life!!!
'i dreamt of you 2 nights in a row.... will i dream of you tonight?'
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
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bro's first honour band, camera and dreams
::jufFeNder | | 12/14/2004 01:44:00 PM |
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yeah i'm goin to watch my bro perform today. well it's a combined concert kinda thingy. and i think he's following into my footsteps now. i played for errrmmm 2 honour bands? well my bro's having his first stint today. so tt's cool. so i'll be off to Victoria Concert Hall this evening for the event. and yeah if u're thinking why the hell am i blogging at this hour? tt's becos i've taken leave for today! yippeee!! time to rest my butt after slogging it out for the weekends.
ok... so i need some time off. anyway, i've added another celebrity to my picture collection in the office.... first it was jean danker, then it was vernetta lopez... and there was edmund chen... and just a few days ago, i've got eunice olsen!! super friendly lady and she has one warm smile too... so tt's great... wat's even better? well her mum was sick on tt day and she brought her mum along as well to the event. so i think tt' s just sweet.
well besides tt... i think photography had been excellent. i'm more open to angles and craeting more out of them. well, we just purchased this 1GB compact flash card tt's just a wiz with me... and yeah... wat else is there to ask for? wait yeah i do want to upgrade the Canon EOS 1D to the Canon Mark 2 and yeah change the flash to the 580EX instead of the 550EX so i'll get a better balanced lighting when switched to ETTL. then it'll be a lethal combination. but still... i like what i'm doing and taking some fancy little shots as well just rocks man! i'll burn all the photos i have at work into discs one day and use it as a portfolio...
and i have a dream too... well, one day, i'll bring someone out for a whole day photo shoot. u know... from the morning, all the way till evening in all the various locations in singapore. just that person in the photo at all the different locations at the different time of the day. how's tt? cool? yeah... i've spotted some cool spots where pple dun really know in singapore as well. so i'll keep tt dream as a mission and just hope that i can find the time to carry it out...
oh well... i have dreams... and so do others. but wat's a dream if u dun work towards it right?
[push the envelope closer and if you can get away with it, push it further until someone says stop]
Monday, December 06, 2004
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wrong stone? right move?
::jufFeNder | | 12/06/2004 11:50:00 PM |
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ok... i headed out of the office at say.... 9? tt was after me... effandi and ma'am kittybond and caroline laughed at some of the photos taken before... some of em by me... errmmm say... most of em by me... we were just picking up on the flaws of pple. yes i know tt sounds bad... but it's just sometihng to let loose on. so yeah it was cool. and me AD seems to be a person who i now learn to respect. i admit at first i thought she was nasty. but now it implies on the saying... dun ever judge the book by its cover... my AD is cool now... yeah... she's pretty open abt everything and knows how to be professional when it comes to work.... so tt's very respectable. and i saw mrs kang and mrs see as well when i was chillin out with boss and effandi at novena square. both of em are my former bosses in IRAS. pretty cool aunties i shld say... oooopppsss... but yeah... they rock too...
anyway, i've got nothing left to write except for this below...
sometimes i follow my ego
blasting words from my mouth
not knowing it would disrupt the flow
and when that happens
please don't judge me so
cos i'm finding it hard
just to let you go
maybe i took a step at a wrong stone and i'm falling.... falling deeper in love with you.... pinch me again so tt i'd be awaken...
Sunday, December 05, 2004
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tell me where i am now....
::jufFeNder | | 12/05/2004 11:14:00 PM |
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it's pretty weird where one can actually place you in a different dimension all of a sudden. it's not like i get to experience that everyday..... but i know i wanna be in that place she puts me in everyday... but all in all... it's still just a fantasy... there's so many things i wanna say... words i'm holding back cos of the position we're in now. and i do read watever she's written and sometimes i dunno... it just hurts somewhere inside of me. sensitive? yeah think so too... but why do i get tt pinch in me then? can't explain that taboo word of lurve... cos i'm lost in it myself....
pple have been asking why i have that 'ender' name behind my actual name... not that i like to end stuffs but it's pretty coincidental i shld say... well other than incubus and some other bands tt i listen to... dashboard confessional still top the list and the main reason why i like em is because of the thought provoking lyrics of... Chris Ender Charabba... tt's the lead guy of dashboard confessional. he plays with an acoustic gibson guitar and makes everything work out nicely. so yeah... tt's my idol... and the second reason mainly the last is the song Ender by Finch. i think that's a very nice track written by them. the lyrics goes like....
Here I am beside myself again.
I'm torn apart by words that you have said.
And all in all,
I know we're falling apart.
Where did you run to so far away?
Here we are to sing you a song.
There you are asleep against the window pane
just like always.
You said you like to hear the rain sometimes.
And all I can do is tell you the truth.
And oh, my eyes will tell you the same.
Here we are to sing you a song.
There you are asleep again.
Grasp our hands together,we feel we are one result.
And here we are to sing you a song.
And there you are asleep again...
yeah... so get it? when something just came around and clashed... it leaves a deep mark in me... moreover... i think that everything's like so karma.... it goes around whether what your actions maybe. so i explained ender.
my bro's birthday today... yeah james heng... brother of mine for... errmmm countless years. happy 21st b'day man... so i chilled out with val, matt, ivan, ann and the b'day boy himself... went for lunch at swensens and just celebrated his b'day with that ice-cream cake plus lunch set meals tt is.... so yeah... pretty simple and nice. and neo prints too... when was the last time i did that... but yeah it's cool.. happy b'day bro... u have just attained the passport to everything. 21 yrs old... basically u cld get married without telling ur mum and dad... but hell, dun do tt.... they're the most important pple in ur life.... cool....
so i'm jumping topics as i write... but i wanna be frank.... i dunno where i stand now... but she makes me feel so at home... but i cant tell her that.... i can't figure out what's goin on in her mind.... everything's vague... but i love her so much, it hurts....
Friday, December 03, 2004
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make up = please bleach my face
::jufFeNder | | 12/03/2004 11:08:00 PM |
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alrighty.... so i'm flexing my fingers to whack another entry in. so much for the short disappearance huh? lemme see... where do i begin... well for the first time in my life... and i pray so hard that it would be the last that i was being forced to put on make up!!! no no... tt's not so bad... the worst part was.... it was done by a guy!! gay!! guy!! gay... gayy... gay fagggg!!!! shit man!!! totally shit shit shit!!!! and he was like... "errmm i think i need to darken a lil bit more of your eye brows can?" and i was like.... fark..... can i say no when orders had already been issued down? fark sia.... and i think i wasted half of the tissue box trying to remove the make up and god knows wat other gay fagg atoms has gone onto my face..... so i was feeling so... oh man....... i've been "touched"!!!!
so enough of the farks and other farks.... damn man.... now i feel so errmmmm.... i dunno... i need to sanitise my face with bleach! but hell... it was for the bumper issue of PLM. i wrote a squash article pertaining to the current number one squash player in singapore. hmmm yeah... so it turns out quite ok.... and the photo shoot was ok... i was stuck in this box room and you know wat? i think i hate to be photographed.... candid shots are fine... but dun ask me to smile in front of the camera. i dun think i can smile. it's all so fake unless i'm with my friends tt is. and i can't pose for nuts.... so yeah... a photographer like me loves to take photos of others... but not thyself... can't waith for tt bumpper issue to come out... it's just so rad... and yes selwyn... u did a great job brother! shanks for co-ordinating the stuffs.... or else... we'd be dead... bumped out...
oh well... and yes... so showcasing all that taufik here and taufik there for god sake! i'm so farking sick of him. but yeah i know a lot of pple will be blasting me for this... but yeah... STOP!! goodness... but hell i know... this wun last... soon it'll be like he was the person from yesteryear... though i know the malay channel is just gonna make use of him.... ok enough... i know what i have to know.... and if u were in my seat knowing what i know... u are so so so so so so not gonna like it.
IPPT also coming soon.... damn i need to work out! or... not! cos it's just next wednesday and we're on the final shot of it. confirm no gold for me this time.... when was the last time i ran for real? can't remember for nuts! die die... sure die.... i'm just hoping to get a pass... or if i'm lucky... a silver the max... sigh... how i wish i was more operational than ever. ok.... so yeah all the best juff...
so events are pouring and wat else is new... but i'm enjoying wat i'm doing now since i know my strengths in my duties already. i work at night... when everyone starts to go home tt's when i'm at my peak... cos i think i enjoy the serenity of the atmosphere and there's just so little pressure and it creates an ambience for my thoughts to flow. so tt's good... the bad point is just that i'll go home late... but tt's a good point considering i'm trying to get my life going. so is this my kickstart?
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