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Sunday, October 31, 2004
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sleep disorder, phone loss
::jufFeNder | | 10/31/2004 02:49:00 AM |
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so, why am i not asleep yet u may ask? hmmm... actually even i dun have the answer... can't get to sleep. been on the comp since hrs ago.... well i did logged on to photoshop and went to the web, get some free fonts... edited some pictures... then i went to work on it... drafted a new layout for this thing and post it up. and man... time flies when u're working with the web.
i feel all weird today too. knowing that i could actually spend the next few weeks without a phone kinda sucked. it seems like i've been robbed of something... and now i'm like handicapped. but i gotta just get use to the situation now. at least endure.... hmmm funny how u see things when u lose something dear to u. for me, i tend to perceive all things are worthless now, so i wun be so sad if i lose anything else in the future. well tt's for now, till i try to get a new phone. was talking to narz from just now on phones and everything else... can't make up my mind yet, but i did shortlist some to target. well tt's another story when i get a new phone.
anyway, it's pretty late now... almost 3 am... thought i'll catch some shut eye before i wake up again at 4 for sahur[breakfast]. alrighty.... may the devil hate ur puny little souls and send it to heaven as a reject from hell... cheers!
Saturday, October 30, 2004
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loSt mEmoriEs
::jufFeNder | | 10/30/2004 02:26:00 PM |
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heya happy pple, i'm devastated right now... pissed to the bone with myself... u guys can stop calling me or sending me ur messages now..... cos i lost my phone.... went out just now to send my little sis who's down with the fever to the doc just now with my mum. since she didn't have the energy to walk and such, we took a cab down and back.... so i think on the way back, i lost my phone in the cab.... tried calling it hoping that someone will pick it up and return to me... but no... he hung up instead.... damn.....
it's not abt the phone anymore.... it's the memories i have in the phone.... i stored all her messages in the calendar and reminisce thru them every night... i kept her pictures in a folder wic i labelled "do not open unless necessary"... damn man..... tt guy can have the phone if he wants... give me back my messages, memories, my contacts.... and most importantly the shrine of her i kept inside..... told the operator to cut off my line for the moment till i get my phone back.... but in singapore, once u lose something, tt's it... u losse it forever... guess i've lost my phone forever.... i'm so depressed man!! over a phone!! but it's more than just a phone mind ya... it's like my treasures inside are gone together with it....... sigh.....
and still they say good begets good... so why are my good deeds being shun away most of the time..... should i be evil now?
Friday, October 29, 2004
staring into black space...................... i am not one to be bullied nor made use of.... if i volunteer my service tt means i volunteered... damn man.... give me a chance to excel.... dun hinder my hopes.... i'm working as hard as i could... dun make it look bad on me... do your part.... i already did mine......
moral of the story :
u work hard... no one notices... so why must i bother so much i wonder.... i give my best to complete assignments... but if other colleagues are not doing their part... why must i bother...
Thursday, October 28, 2004
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day's summary
::jufFeNder | | 10/28/2004 11:29:00 PM |
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yes it's gonna be friday tomorrow.... excellent... looking forward to this weekend... a rare opportunity for me to enjoy the 5 day work week thingy cos there's nothing on for saturday and sunday!! wooohooo!!! so i wanna do something on these 2 days... oh wait... on second thoughts... hmmm dun plan!! cos it always turn the tables on me. ok shall just remain hopeful.
anyway, i've been summoned to court on wednesday. gotta be there by 9. think i have to stand trial. can't really disclose the facts but yeah first time sia go court!! and instead of feeling worried... i think i feel excited. so tt's cool. i can just imagine...'yes your honour... no your honour.... he's BLOODY lying your honour!! no your honour, your hair looks awesome..... no mr lawyer, u will still go to hell....' tt'll be cool!!! yeah so looking forward to tt as well....
wat else can i look forward to? oh yah... so many pple having their b'day this month.... there's jewels... and sebastian 'cock'... and there's lixin... and some others wic damn i forgot. but hey guys!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! awesome yeah to turn a yr older? great... so yeah, god bless and may ur future aspirations, ambitions, and watever-tions all come true as long as u work hard for it. nothing comes for free ya know! so... cheers on ur b'day...
ok... so i'll just chill for now.... hope for the best tml... and yeah come weekends come!!!
'i ain't missing u at all... everything's feeling just fine.... honest...'
Monday, October 25, 2004
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th3 lEtt3r
::jufFeNder | | 10/25/2004 11:08:00 PM |
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opened up the mailbox on my way home after the photography course just now and look what i've found.... and yes i'm glad it's not a bill. it's the letter i wrote back in OBS a couple of months back and yeah we're like supposed to write anything we want that would only be mailed a couple of months after we completed OBS. the letter is still unopened. still glued in its place. i'm trying to recall what i've written back then but maybe just a vague idea. still i don't know if i should open it. on the opening seal i wrote there 'de ja vu'. and yes this is de ja vu. cos it's me writing to me. so yeah tt's weird. ok so i'm gonna rip it open and see if i'm able to share some of it with u guys aight....
ok.... so i've opened it and read a lil....
before i start... there's this calvin and hobbes comic strip i included in the letter as well. now i read it and it all makes perfect sense... lemme share wat calvin had to say...
C : look, a dead bird!
H : it must've hit the window.
H : isn't it beautiful? it's so delicate.
C : sighhh.... once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is.
C : you realise that nature is ruthless and our existance is very fragile, temporary and precious.
C : but to go on with your daily affairs, you can't really think about that.
C : which is probably why everyone takes the world for granted and why we act so thoughtlessly.
C : it's very confusing.
C : i suppose it will all make sense when we grow up.
H : no doubt.
and u see this in a comic strip. it's perfect sense for the adults reading it anyway. once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is. hmmm so true. so the important thing here is to keep on moving and admire the beauty of life. for me, it has to be happiness. whether it's dillusional or just plain happiness i think i should learn to treasure it more. yeah...
alrighty, so i think i can share what i wrote in my letter with u guys. not that i dun think it's personal, but yeah it's my blog isn't it. here are a few questions that i wrote back then and i think i'll answer them now
Q: Life after passing out of PA.....
A: it's been a lil tough i guess. but adapting to the work life and balancing my time can prove to be quite a challenge. still am the same person but i dare say my fitness ain't as tip-top as it was back in the academy. reminding me to start exercising real soon....
Q: How's mum and dad now? and yeah not forgetting the rest....
A: mum's ok... she's been under pressure a few weeks back but i'm fighting the battle with her. dad? i dunno... he's not the same hero i used to worship back in the past. the rest are all growing up i dare say... or do u mean the hamsters? 'mak ger' just gave birth to little hammies. altogether 5 new ones currently. there was four in her previous batch but 3 died leaving only the last one whic we called 'timon'.
Q: so, who's wedding or invitation to functions have you attended to?
A: my oh my, i didn't know i could answer this now. well, Sunari got married to FI Yusman. surprised huh? and there are a lot of functions which i attended. it's part of the job being peter parker of the force.
Q: accomplishments so far?
A: well i did get the odd award of Officer Cadet's Achievement Award close to passing out day. shall call it OCAA since i am the only one or shld i say the first ever to get the award? yeah so tt's quite an honour....
Q: last one... if there is still tt glimmer in your heart and if nothing changes drastically.... is "she" still the person you're looking for in the abyss of your heart?
A: I dun really know that for sure. everything's moving so fast but maybe i'm still stuck here. for me, she's still someone special in my heart but i can't move myself to disrupt her dreams right now. i believe she's inching closer towards her dreams and she's working very hard to achieve it. so, i dun really want to u know make a splash in the water when everything's calm. i'm moving on slowly but surely... but somehow something in me is saying that i'll be there whenever she needs my help and i'll try my best to help her out if possible. for now, i'm sure she's happier where she is and the best thing to do now is still admire from a distance and maybe wait.... god knows....
ok... well i've answered most of the questions that i've posed for myself. maybe it will help me plan for the future or maybe it just reminds me to be more tactful learning from my previous mishaps. ok.... shall crash out now... time to rest and make an appointment with god.... u kids take care.... cheers!
Sunday, October 24, 2004
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soMethinG nEw?
::jufFeNder | | 10/24/2004 10:19:00 PM |
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so i worked on this template thruout the sunday. killed time? yes i did. hmmm but i'm quite pleased with the outcome. just something different from the old layout i guess... yeah so any comments fell free to list it down on my talk to me board. if u guys are ever wondering wats the background i used, it's actually a piece of art from linkin park's breakin the habit. kinda errmmmm artistic? it's the woman character in the vid in depression mode or something. so yeah... carry on... shoot me...
hmmm well tomorrow's monday all over again. and i'm so not looking forward to it. i miss my days in the academy. man... i dun have to think so much about what to do... i just have to excel in them. it's more like a planned life than i have now. and strangely i hate to admit it but yeah i miss the training as well. i miss the days when i ran myself senseless. i just ran.... following FI yusman and runnning with the rest to town and back to PA is one hell of a journey... the trip to adam road.... sigh.... all the running good times... and i miss them all. cos i had no worries there... i get to think a lot on my life passing me by and just enjoy the company of good friends who go thru the battle with u. now, it's like u're standing alone fighting ur own little battle in a further part of the battlefield. and i dun like sitting behind the desk all day typing my articles... but i do enjoy the photography as said before... it's like a moment when u could just capture those smiling faces and whenever i cld, the scenery....
anyway, no use fretting... i'll still work on this layout... see what else i could improvise on... in the meantime... take care... god god god bless...
Saturday, October 23, 2004
october 23rd 2004. the day when eveything looked moody and lifeless. and yes i worked today though it's a saturday. had an event to cover late in the evening. so it's the normal stuff, me and my camera, the event, pple getting awards, and a lil interview. following up will be the write up... and that's where the scrutiny will start. that's where the level of expectations will have to be met. but tt's the challenge i have to face everyday in work. hmmm well at least i look forward to reaching home everyday....
i went thru friendster's bulletin board and this is wat a friend of mine wrote... hahahaha pretty interesting and true....
1. Policeman needs to eat & drink.
2. Policeman proceeds to cases in a patrol car, not by means of flying or by supernatural forces.
3. Policeman needs to *cough* look at girls *cough* lookout for potential offenders and suspicious characters.
4. Policeman too, needs to go to the toilet sometimes.
5. Policeman is not a walking street directory.
6. Policeman will also feel tired at times.
7. Policeman cannot stop a dog from barking, unless he makes hotdog out of it.
8. Policeman are not security officers... Policeman cannot be there 24hrs to look after a bicycle.
9. Policeman do not work for the AA... Policeman cannot change tyre & jumpstart your vehicle.
10. Policeman's duty is to fight crime, not to lookout for some cute lost pets.
11. Policeman realises that there is no such thing as "A person sleeping at the void deck causing nuisance", as Policeman realises that a person cannot sleep and cause nuisance to other people at the same time unless he's sleepwalking.
12. Policeman will not give discounts or privileges to and neither fear offenders who identify themselves as lawyers, RC members/ chairman or big shots in some press companies etc, simply because Policeman does not show favouritism and act in accordance to the powers given to him under the law.
13. Policeman is neither mechanically driven nor have any spider's instinct.
14. Policeman cannot arrest people for failing to pay taxi fare or people who scolded complainant's mother.
15. Policeman cannot go into a telephone booth, change into some super hero costume with funny red underwear on the outside and proceed to scan for the culprit with his bionic x-ray vision in an attempt to locate and apprehend him.
Lastly & sometimes most importantly...
16. Policeman also pay income tax.
i was saluting the genious who said tt. i mean, come on... we're also humans... and if u guys could do better then, take the challenge and be the men in blue....
before i forgot~~~ hmmm i saw jean danker up close on friday, which was yesterday durin the launch of road safety campaign. god, i was so glued to her... but have to remain professional... so i was the 'act cool' dude pretending that i didn't notice her... but yeah... i took the opportunity to actually grab some shots of her 'professionally' and i will bring back that photo real soon. so look out for it. gonna post it here on the blog.... awwww....*heart melt*
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
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the sound...
::jufFeNder | | 10/20/2004 10:47:00 PM |
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if i only had an ocean to compliment the sky
i'd pull it down and paint it for you and never question why
cos red would mean you love me
and blue would mean you care
but black, my heart when left alone to cold and killing stares
this is the burning of a dream
this is the burning of a dream....
only you could row my boat ashore
only you could set my fears at rest
but until lack of sympathies regress
i'm still waiting
i'm still waiting for your call....
not that i wanna be emo or anything which i know i am... but the lyrics of this song is so errrmmmm.... brilliantly carved out, chewed out and exposed to the radiation of heartbreak. if u guys wanna check tt song out, it's called The Sound by Further Seems Forever. yeah, they have soome nice tunes over there if u were to ask me. remember, further seems forever is the band.... not the title of the song. they're like linked to dashboard confessional and all the other emo bands around. so yeah, do check them out if u want. everyone's free to decide.
i wanna go jamming with the people who play my kind of songs! pple who wanna venture into writing their own piece of music! pple who listens to radiohead, further seems forever, dashboard confessional, sugarcult, goo goo dolls, lifehouse, lost prophets, incubus, the ataris, yellowcard, taking back sunday.... i could go on and on... but hmmm who plays these music? i have no idea....... some wld venture into covering other pple's songs... but i need pple who are influenced by these great bands and pple who wld really want to go ahead and pen down their lyrical thoughts and strike a chord with each other. shld i just place and ad in the newspaper?? seems super despo right? but these pple are rare. cos these days, pple wld go into metal, hip hop and other major genres... few wld consider emo, emocore, pop-punk or just emo punk if there's any..... any takers? jammers out there? yeah right... fat hope man... cos the band i'm currently playing with errrmmm they wanna stick to u know metal stuffs and such.... but most of them are loud music.... we need a little variety within a piece of music... a little slow part, then mix it up with raunchy leads and mind boggling rhythms.... too much to ask for right? ok i'll stop asking....
oh well... enough of bands and my music.... can't get anywhere with it anyway, but sure there's the fun part of playing music together. miss those times.... and i miss her on top of all the things i'm missing.... been trying hard to move on. but everytime there's that image of her in my mind when things start to go wrong and when i'm feeling happy as well. i guess, i wished she was there during those times for me to share my good times and my bad times with. who am i kidding? i'm still in love with her aren't i? but it's a different ball game now. i believe she's happier where she is right now and everything working out so well and i dun wanna be the one jamming the plane into the building she built...i did save a picture or two or three or maybe a few in my phone, one in my wallet just to remind me of her... but i dun have to be reminded... cos evrytime i wanna see her, i'll flick out my phone.... if only she knew....
Monday, October 18, 2004
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youth angst
::jufFeNder | | 10/18/2004 11:12:00 PM |
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finally i'm taking leave tomorrow. i was lethargic today cos it's the monday blues and to make things a lil more interesting, Meng Koon went for his overseas basketball trip for a week and thus his workload automatically adds on to mine. so i was busy typin out all the mails and such when the word came that i had to help out in the packing of 500 magazines.... yes those were the magazines i worked my ass out to get it out. and now i have to do the packing. and i'm paying 50 cents every month for the magazine that i craft out!~!! wat the hell!! so tt's pretty crappy.... and i had to help with MR as they had a course goin on today and they kinda used me for some stuffs.... in the end i was pretty worn out. my DD could still ask me... 'wah today first day why so tired already?' ... dang.... try fasting and do all these shit work that is not within ur job scope..... wat sia! of course i'm tired... ask that rich man's son wat he was doin the whole day? he was reading his newspapers and checking the stock market!! and slowly packed his side of the magazines.... forgot an appointment and i had to cover his ass... where's my consolation prize man? bleeding from all these crap falling on me.....
but i told myself today i'm fasting.... so i had to refrain from blowing the roof as i wanted to. and i didn't scold a single f word today.... so yeah i'm keeping the peace within me... though i know i'm boiling... hmmm... seems like i didn't kick off the week pretty well huh? please god... better turn out soon?
happy fasting kids...
Sunday, October 17, 2004
check this out.... i think it's the coolest testimonial i ever got in friendster... this one's from alifah... the person i jammed with together with POP.
woot...(How not to forget this guy)
J-"Jokes aside..as I've said..." (expect full viewership if he has his own tv/radio show)
U-Unpredictable.
F-Father of many campaigns.
F-F**king talented.What more to ask for..he sings well,he guitars,he rhino-es,he drums,he every-thing-u-can think-of
R-Real.
E-Emo.
Y-Young (oh, he's the youngest in DD0001..oh hell..crush me for remembering that little unknown fact)so you rock. juff(fry) x2 go-go-go..Lights.out.
we'd just relax in the art room with the guitar and yeah just play all our favourite songs, originals and everything else.... missing Pop's 'banana split' song... tt song rocks i tell u.... if i can remember properly, it was written for his friend who out of the blue disappeared and never to be seen again. yeah, so i think tt song means a lot to him and yeah.... love to hear it from him again... where are all these pple again? alifah is working in a local company doing i dunno what.... and POP went to OCS just like me. he's now a second leftenant somewhere. yes he still rocks... still with his band called 59 minutes i think... super cool guys.... so i hope to meet them real soon...
well, i had my PRT yesterday... it's something of a backup unit at sembawang NPC. so we did our patrols and hitting all the checkpoints and all... but it's too quiet for my liking... cos it makes me lethargic and sleepy... whic it really did... but lucky for me it's a once a month kinda thing... or else, every night of boredom will surely kill me. yah but Samad surat and audi were yeah great.... at least they know how to kill time....
anyway, it's the errrmmm 3 rd day of fasting?? yeah... it's been ok so far... at least i'm not complaining of hunger too much... haah... and i think going to work and doing all other stuffs to keep me occupied do kill the time and just make it shorter. so tt's cool. still these fasting days will be over real fast... just like the previous years... they come and go just like tt... in a sense, u only have a certain time to prove urselves. endure and excel. these days, if u dun carry out ur good deeds when u have a chance to, then there wun be much of a second chance... so yeah... i'll try to stick to that theory and make my most of the ramadhan month. and tomorrow will be another day goin to work and everything, but there's sure to be work to do. and i dun feel like goin for the photography class later in the night. so it's pretty crappy cos they're teaching black and white photography in conventional style which is not in my interest. maybe next week lah... i wanna go tarawikh lah.... i think tt's more important... yeah.
and i think i'm picking up the pieces in life and trying to make my way back to the surface for a breather... i realised that if some things aren't meant to be then it's not meant to be... pitfalls are hard to avoid, but we do fall into them sometimes. and when that happens, it's no use fretting abt it or making a huge fuss on how u fell, but it's the way u get urself out of it tt matters. no use dwelling about it... get urself out of it and yeah just move on though u know it's hard to get out of the deep hole... but it's yeah worth it when u can get out of it and carry on walking... who knows the next pitfall is falling into a pit of rose petals...
happiness is dillusional. u can't see it when it's there but i wanna be happy in my dillusional state....
Friday, October 15, 2004
alrighty.... happy fasting all!!! it's time to starve ourselves.... and think of the poor.... no tt's not the way to think of it.... hmmm it's more to finding ur true self within a space of a mth tt is....
actually i'm tired.... yes i know i must persevere. but i'm tired lah. seems there's so much to do... i mean.... i'm in NS and i'm actually doing a job tt's paying at leasts $2000 per mth outside?? and i'm paid not even half of tt.... why? i dun understand... if national service is supposed to be a learning stage for u... then why is known as the sai gang academy? u do all the shit work for the organisation and the big guns get the credit? how abt us the elves who did all the work?
arrggghh enuff whining... must have tt mindset i had in TRACOM. i do my best. pple like it or not... i did my best... in the words of melvin...'strive not to equal but to excel'. tt should always be the way... mindset juff... mindset.... aiyah.... i'm just tired to type lah today.... later...
"i miss you, i miss you not.... i miss you... i miss you not... i miss you not... i miss you not...." - mindset
Sunday, October 10, 2004
coming back to the previous entry... yeah easier said than done... well KQ, if u're ever reading this, hmmm then bro, i really dun think there's anything to be afraid of. like what someone said... u love her, u do it... well that refers to the sacrifices tt's gonna be made and everything. hmmm sacrifice seems like such a harsh word. let's just say... give way.... weird when pple can fall in love but they choose not to. then wait till everything is messed up pretty bad and just live to regret... sheeshh...
anyway, i'm not goin out today. i'll stick to home..... fasting month approaching and time for starvation draws near. yeah but i'm the anything goes kinda person. so yeah, it's just fasting... no big a deal. the challenge is to withdraw myself totally from the sinful world that i'm in now and start to be alil more pious from now on. and there's this huge challenge of not saying the word 'f***' most of the time... or not at all!!! damn.... well if the will is strong enough to carry on then there's always a way....
i'll punch in later if i could.... i wanna catch up on tv.... some sleep... food... and errrmmm hopefully it rains today..... please rain... cos it's so hot in here....
oh yah... before i end... i heard this song called... heaven by bryan adams..... and there was another female artist who actually did a cover for that song and she sounded so heavenly sweet... anybody knows??
Heaven
Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now nothin' can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it here in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven
Oh - once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down
Ya-nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way
I've been waitin' for so long
For somethin' to arrive
For love to come along
Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
Ya - I'll be standin' there by you
Saturday, October 09, 2004
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damn it hurts....
::jufFeNder | | 10/09/2004 11:18:00 PM |
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the reason for the title is i've got this damn cramp to my calf and it's taking its time to slowly wear off. got it while having a soccer match just now. and yeah we got whomped real bad. maybe it's been a while since all of us actually got together and trained. 4-1 was the score with me scoring the only goal for the wold parrots. nothing to brag about since we alrady lost the game.
now i've got this lil pain in my tummy and i dunno whether it is the food i ate or inndigestion or something else. something like gastritis like tt. but hell i'll sleep over it and hope it'll go away in the morn. oh well i'm aching all over. internally externally. shan't dwell further on it.
ok. so what's been goin on all these while? wait before i begin anything, a question. was talking to a friend just now. no names ah. confidential stuff. anyway, he's chinese and i think from the point of the story, he's in love with this malay girl. and yeah tt seems like normal nowadays rite? but he thinks so far away than i did. he said... why start something which i know i won't like the ending. it's like yeah malay and chinese kinda thing. so it's fine to fall in love, but where do u go from there? there'll be a point if everything goes smoothly, u're gonna end up with the chosen one for the rest of ur life. so he's like, 'no i dun wanna convert and it's like so hard after tt. how will my family react?' and etc etc... well i dunno. i can't judge for u bro. cos i'm a muslim and yeah it's easier for me to tell u than to do it urself. but i dun see anything wrong going out with that chosen one of yours. instead of feeling sorry, enjoy each other's company. maybe one day, ur family will get to understand the situation u're in. and if love is ever so 'powerful' i believe that u can beat all odds. and it's not just about converting and stuff.... but it's the way u wanna choose to live your life. be with someone u love and sacrifice a lil bit of everything, or u can forsake the one person whom u know could make a whole lot of a difference in your life and walk away from it all, living an empty life. i dunno....
well i can't give u all the advice about being in love and maintaining it cos i'm a failure at it myself. but i do know and i do believe that it's just a matter of time that u'll realise that the lil gem in ur life is actually in front of you and u're scared to admit the sacred truth cos u're afraid of faltering. but it's no harm giving it a try. as they say, love hurts and it's hard to maintain a relationship considering the amount of challenges u have to face. but if it's so easy, why even bother to fall in love and see the different views it can offer...
ok... enough of crap talk... hmmm all the best man... i'll try to help if i could but it takes one to overcome his own challenges by taking the first step. the person helping can only guide the way. cheers happy pple...
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
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embracing a lil gravity
::jufFeNder | | 10/06/2004 11:26:00 PM |
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kinda lurve the song playing now. it's more to the just chill for a while and yeah just enjoy the sound kinda feel. the way they wrote the song too is kinda nice. well they're brit... so yeah, kinda sound like coldplay, starsailor and all the brit bands into these music now. but they're cool. too bad i can't keep a long hairdo and wear a coat with a shirt inside on the streets... cos tt'll kill me.... but yeah this song suits me so well right now.
i didn't go to work today cos something happened. and so it's kind of an untimely break for me. managed to catch up on an extra 2 hr sleep and get back to watever i had to do just now. i think my bro's finally picking up the pieces but it's a start though it's slow. well managed to convince him to sell of his bike. tt'll just to take a lil load off. maybe he'll start planning better after this. who knows... but we'll just hope for the best.
for work tml, i've got 2 events to cover. gonna work a lil overtime for sure. it's part of the job i'm sure. and cheam's gonna take leave tml... so tt's bad. hope he can cover friday and saturday events cos i sure as hell would like to take a break from too many overtime schedule. well... i'd like to do my own surfing now.... till next time guys...
"baby... it's been a long time waiting... such a long, long time...."
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
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i am a grouch. go away or face me with watever armour u have
::jufFeNder | | 10/05/2004 10:22:00 PM |
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hmmm... i'm sick and tired of these 3 months... or something... or maybe i wanna get 2004 rolling over and done with. or maybe if i'm damn positive enough i'll just think of something to hitch a ride on and just treat everything positive... life that is... to be positive... and those negative... also positive...
and my bike's at the workshop... apparently it died on me yesterday on my way home from work. no i shldn't say it died... it was so called asthmatic cos all the white fog came from the exhaust and it just wun go the way it did. yeah so it's like so asthma kinda thing... now it's at the workshop of mr Boon.... yes my trusted mechanic. he knows my bike and all other bikes better than his wife i think. cos he can just tell me wat's wrong with it just by listening to the sound my bike produced and the smoke comin out of it. dang...
anyway, i took the mrt today, met some pple i dunno or maybe if i knew them wic i think some were within my knowledge... i chose to ignore... blast the music loud and just not give a care to the world. in my mind there's just this phrase.... "dun bother me... i dun wanna think of you or talk to you cos i think i've had enough to think of already... so just buzz off before something bad happens..." cruel rite? but hell i wasn't bothered or shld i say... couldn't be bothered. hate this period and i'm gonna do something abt it.... damn, all the bad things are happening to me.... but i can't keep having this shut-out to the world attitude. well at least put on a smile, look more approachable... say hi a lil bit more...... i have to try... cos i'm easily irritated, short-tempered, ticking time bomb of a person these days... help...
i need a break...
Monday, October 04, 2004
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in this life, i was loved by you
::jufFeNder | | 10/04/2004 01:07:00 AM |
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if irony has its own representation in life... then it'll be me. it's just ironic how my life is... when i work for lots of things but it all end up in nothing. so why work so hard then?
well i've been away for a very painful period in life. guess i have to hate augusts and septembers from now on. cos i think 2004 had really made a black mark on them. i'm going thru a phase which i didn't know i would have to go thru. and if u were to ask me if it made me a better person now, i'd say it made me realise or should i say i analyse and take into consideration watever is offered as a choice to me.... i can't take the chance to screw up or lose out anymore.....
i guess this is the testing period of life...
and yes mum.... i love u and i know it's pretty hard right now... but yeah... i'll weather the storm with u aight.
bro, we gotta step up the pace man and cut down on the gas if u know wat i mean.
to the rest of my family, move with us a step at a time though i know it'll be more of smaller steps instead of the big ones we used to take. thanks for understanding....
to the rest of u know who.... i'll return watever i borrowed from u. i promise. even if it'll take years or watever timeline u wanna call it, i'll return it to u.... give me time.
to the rest of the world whom i know i tend to neglect over this period of time... u guys are still so important to me and it'll be so heartening to know that u guys understand and just stick with me thru this time though i tend not to entertain u guys on a regular basis.
it's the bridge of alterism and i'm under it. so let me alter my life till i see fit of that to my family, then i'll get back to u...
last but not least to the person who wrote that beautiful poem in her blog, i'm moving on cos i care. not that i want to leave u but it's the best choice i have. it's the happiness in life that pple tend not to see cos they're so preoccupied by the distractions around them. and i'm a distraction. but i'll still be here if u need me but let me go cos i want u to be happy. when u fall i'll be there to catch u. or even be someone for u to cry on, someone who'll listen to u. and i know my line now and i wun step over it again but friends we are no more no less and it's a sacrifice i have to make so that i wun be caught in this trap of time.
god bless all u happy pple.
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