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||--str|v3 n3ver t0 eQuaL buT t0 exCeL--||
Sunday, February 29, 2004
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.........time to head back
::jufFeNder | | 2/29/2004 05:58:00 PM |
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yes back to PA. sometimes i enjoy being there, and sometimes i just dun. but endurance is the word. it's been fun but yet irritating. no use complaining abt it. a few more mths left. there's still the ubin trip, OBS to wherever and also POP to look forward to. so tt's a plus point. just have to endure....
well my soccer match today didn't go so well as expected. maybe we didn't put in our hearts to play. i played with my head. cos truthfully, i used my rage to play. to be honest, the tackles i gave the opponents were errrmmm u can call it.... superman flying. now tt's rage. but i can't find the reasons to be so nice to them. not when they send me flying first. so i was just returning the favour. but hell we lost in the end. 1st time we lost to this team. damn.... anyway, i'll put tt behind me cos it's just a game. no point dwelling over it. well, there's still some other sports i cld play. wait... there isn't many. takraw, soccer, errrmmm used to play handball but tt's a no no. tt leaves it for me. and tmr, i heard there'll be a practice run to help the "C" course run the telematch they're organising. well "C" course is actually officers who already have their ranks but they're undergoing training just like me in order to get promoted. so they're cool. well i've been deployed as EMCEE once again. but this time i'm doing it with aloysius. it's gonna be super informal i tell u.... except for the intro of the Commander and such. otherwise, it's jufF the man, on the michrophone! great doin all these events. well at least i'm doin somethin i'm pretty good at. presenting....
talking abt tt, i might even consider it an option for the future. i wanna learn mass comm but is it a bit too late for tt? i dunno. wanna appear on the radio or somethin. everyone has ambitions... so do i.... i'll discuss this with my parents and just hope they'll agree or somethin. anyway, tt's the future. now is now. and now, i gotta get my stuffs ready before i head back....
"still she's on my mind.... cool enuff..."
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......epiphany....
::jufFeNder | | 2/29/2004 12:13:00 AM |
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scrolled thru my MP3s.... heard some of the old songs that i had..... epiphany by staind seemed to have the most plays.... dunno why. but hell, was teaching hafiz in the afternoon... totally brain dead now. squeezed all the brian juice to help him think for his D&T proj. now i'm just tired... soccer is on later.... so i think i gotta sleep....
"the only thing tt matters is just following ur heart and eventually u'll finally get it right..."
Friday, February 27, 2004
well, my life is like a small circle. it repeats again and again everyday. but hell, can't help it. things in camp are like a little better this week and i dunno why. but there's still tt bad air goin ard but pple are takin it low. so tts cool with me. anyway, heard tt the results for those who took the O's are out today. and i didn't have a clue! but i got to know when i was on my way home just now. well, so far no one i knew failed..... so tt's awesome. nazra passed and i hope she goes to the poly and wicever course she chooses to enrol herself in. same goes to my bro, hasyim. he passed too. tt guy is still chasing his dreams. so may God be with him. well, they strived and they get wat they want more or less. but dun be discouraged if things didn't go the way u want it to be. just try harder next time. easier said than done. but still, a little effort will go a long long way....
well, now i'm looking forward to finishing my course..... but still there's exams and outfield trips to go to. but wat the hell, as i always tell others.... strive for excellence and you will go the distance. i am goin the distance and i am trying hard to maintain a high level of excellence. but i can't be perfect all the time. i'm just a puny human who has flaws. just wanna be myself and be accepted by others.
enough of camp.... seems like i'm talkin abt it every week.... but tt's just me.... my life.... a small circle.... anyway, i went out to eat with my family just now ard 2100 hrs or so. went to the tanjong pagar railway to have some of their dishes there. saw a couple familiar faces but i guess they wun recognise me..... and sitting next to their table just adds the pressure. but hey, they dunno me... but still, i'm at my best behaviour. it's weird when all the things that u think of happpened all on the same day. sheeessshhhh.
Saturday, February 21, 2004
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problems problems problems........
::jufFeNder | | 2/21/2004 05:50:00 PM |
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seems problems are comin in like a tidal wave this season. family wise, it'll cover 70 percent of it. i'm more concerned with providing for my family than myself at the moment. gave my atm card to mum for this mth's pay. told her to settle the bills etc. only took bout $50 or to settle watever things i have to settle. gonna do the same for next month as well i guess. not that we're on the verge of goin down or anything but i feel that my pay is much more well-spent in her hands. my dad's still driving around in the blue car where people hitch a ride. it settles the food stuffs and such. my bro, he contributes by how much i dunno.... he seems to have a lot of things of his own to settle. crazy goon i might say but hell, he's still my bro. if my family can't help then who will. so i gotta do my part... i'll settle my own bills from now on. changed my hp line as well. if u guys haven got the msg yet, well soon u'll get it. wun wanna post it here. in case "stalkers" come to visit..... well, start praying for better luck or better still, work hard and earn watever i have to. "god won't help those who won't help themselves first". and i know HE's listening....
Friday, February 20, 2004
it's almost and almost 12 but not 12 yet. oh yah just to inform u guys who read this, i've cancelled off my hp line for the moment... apparently i did pay my bills. it's a shared account thingy with my bro. so if my bill is like $40 per mth, his is like 10 times of tt.... so no matter even if i paid up to him, he still can't pay up on his own. ass......
it's a friday night and thank god i'm at home. some of my frens are still in camp though. they kinda got some unfinished business. but anyway, pity those who were left behind. alrighty, i was greeted with that sour face of my dad when i got home. something was wrong but i didn't bother to ask cos i know it'll be of the same reason. CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE!! sometimes i just can't understand wat's the purpose of being good. parents teach their children to care for others, advice them on wat's wrong etc.... then why wun parents themselves accept the good advice that we give em? everyone's free to decide they say. so i did my act of good faith. it's all up to u dad. can't change u for the person u are. but we still care nonetheless, it's just that u wanna remain non chalant bout it.
anyway, i went home on my own from camp. dun wanna be treated like a big boss who gets chauffered everywhere. i'm gonna ride to camp one day. dun give a damn to what my course manager said. hmmmppphhh. and bus rides do get me sleepy sometime. no girls to look at..... no nice sceneries.... just houses and cars and more houses and cars.... wat the hell..... and talkin abt girls, Squad 43 passed out just now~~!! so tt's a damn major let down!!! wun be able to see that grp of female trainees goin to the canteen again. DANG.... well, shit happens... so gotta let em go.... they've got their own duties to perform. so goodbye Squad 43... i think u're the only squad i'm gonna miss... sigh....
just wanna stay home for the weekend. relax with mum a little. maybe she wanna go fishing again or something. hahaha. dun mind chilling at the beach. clears my mind. so i'll punch in whenever i can. rock on!
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
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been a while...
::jufFeNder | | 2/18/2004 07:05:00 PM |
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been a while since i last punched in. didn't pay my bills was part of the reason... well it's all settled now... anyway, half of february's gone. valentine's over.... and so many things have been done. well, let's start with PA. my injuries have subsided and decided to lay low for the time being. hope they wun return. and the squad's been playing a bit more soccer than we used to. so tt's a bonus. and 24 of us have been doing some training in the dojo. we have to put on a training demo for the commissioner of police from south australia this coming monday. so, we had sweated our asses off for this and hopefully everything goes to plan. DUN FREEZE JUFF!!! i always do tt when i'm nervous.... just stand there stoned for a while. but heck, will work on it. but in the end we still have a lot of work to do to make this a success. despite our studies, physical training, sleeping time, we still have to bear that we have ard 4 more mths before passing out. great. no more heartaches.
talkin abt heartaches..... it's more of an eye sore. sometimes people just dun agree with opinions or even just bring up a comment or 2 of their own tt'll catch my attention. but if i cld do something abt it then i wld. regardless whether they'll end up not liking me or not. a good leader gets the job done. tt's wat i wanna be but most of the time tt's wat i aspire to be. but i'm cool with it. no one's perfect as they say. well, it's a per say kinda thing. i wish i was back in school somehow. a pinch of freedom in my veins. non-chalant attitude towards the world. but i can't huh.... fate has brought me to PA and where i am standing now.
oh yah, well, siti flute, my band mate in sec school, she's been messaging me for quite some time now. yeah, she always look for me when she's in confusion. somehow i can give her an advice or 2 tt she can apply in her life but not mine. it's easier saying than doin but she's taking every step linked with my advice. good or bad? i dunno... considering i myself am a failure in matters of the heart, she's takin my advice to full use. ironic ey. but i wish her all the best. treat her like my own sis since sec sch. but she's just a bit blinded by the term "love" sometimes. tt's where i come in to shine some light. self praise? no! just helpin out.... well, tt's all for now, but i'll punch in on friday or somethin... take care... god bless.....
"wh|t3phO3n|x dropped a message and i just felt weird but i can't find courage to say what i have to say..."
Saturday, February 07, 2004
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slacker week....
::jufFeNder | | 2/07/2004 09:13:00 PM |
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i slacked... due to my sprained ankle and missed out lessons, i was doin nothing but counting the fallen leaves on the ground. was not allowed to do any physical activities. but i did my provost though and plus, i passed my unarmed tactics just now. yeah took the test today. so tt's over and done with.
errmm, over my tour of duty as a provost officer, i kinda "farked" a lot of squads. i see myself as doing my duty and pprobably be hated by many. but i have to set my standards.... not me than who? well, i feel a little guilty for even laying it off with my own OCT squad. but i have to be fair in order to be equal. i dun want pple to say that i'm taking sides. hate me if u must but i'm just doing my duty..... sad but true...
Thursday, February 05, 2004
here i am waiting for my dad to pick me up later around 10 to head back to PA. wanna go on my own but my mum wasn't assured. still sick. my throat's bein bombarded by the phlaegm army.... but i've been eating my medication and i'm spitting out as much phlaegm there is in my throat. aloysius called just now too. he's just askin how am i doin so far and when i'm comin back. when i told him it was tonight, he was like telling me to get more days off. but i can't.... i can't miss so much in a few days. still there's IPPT tml and SOC to go thru... so i wanna strive thru tt... won't kill me rite? hmmm.... but i know when my game's done and when to stop... so just pray i'll make it thru.
well i'm comin back on saturday it seems. but i'm on provost duty on saturday. be back a lil late tt's all. but it's ok. duty calls.... so have to go. hmmm i've been readin the other of my frens' blogs.... very interesting to see some leading a very different lifestyle than mine. and there's my cousin sarah who i just linked up as well. she's got a nice blog too...wat was i doin at her age? dang?@!! well gotta go.... i'll see u guys when my fortress has been built. a fortress that sees me in it. a fortress that has went thru a lot of bombardments and back.... and hope u guys see me in a white suit in 4 and half mths time.... look out for june 12th.... cheers!
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run nose... run...
::jufFeNder | | 2/05/2004 04:01:00 PM |
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yeah it's runnin like a river down a mountain. and the cough's pretty bad too. but i gotta go back tonight. still have my IPPT trial test tml. i wonder if they allow me to take it. so many tests still to come and i gotta make an appointment with the Unarmed tactics instructor to make a date for my test. missed it yesterday. well i have to make up for it as i said before. dang....
well i played ard with my settings again... can't seem to make up my mind... but i got the stuffs out. and this one looks a lil more fresh out of the box. still got the vid by dashboard confessional on display on ur right though. just love their music but i can guarantee they wun come down to singapore. well tt's all for now folks.... i'm tired from dragging my nose up my face in front of this comp.... till next time i punch in... u guys take care... cheers! 
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
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weird week...
::jufFeNder | | 2/04/2004 09:55:00 PM |
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back home right now.... apparently the doc gave me 3 days of mc after my visit to TTSH yesterday. had fever of 38.3 degrees... missing a lot of lessons in PA.... dang..... but my head's a lil heavy, a little drowsy too after takin the medication. well here's a shout out anyway to all my buds in PA..... shanks for the concern guys. shanks to shahidir too for being my company for the trip to TTSH. God Bless U man...and i wanna thank my dad as well for picking me up at TTSH late in the night. it's really appreciated. great to have u guys around.... well still, i'll be back by friday at most cos i dun wanna miss out on more stuffs. plagued by injuries still..... currently there's my fever still goin on and hanging around... then my knee injury is worsened by my sprained ankle.... how unlucky can i get i have no idea.
but i hope to recover fast and recover wat i've lost in PA.... lessons, physically and mentally.... some due respect by the POs.... they'll get to know who the Head Provost is once i've returned. and once i get back to my 100% wic i hope to accomplish, then they'll know how it feels when i'm around on duty. maybe tt'll take back their words. time for me to regroup now. really sick man....
Monday, February 02, 2004
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goin back.... dang....
::jufFeNder | | 2/02/2004 07:26:00 PM |
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well i worked on hasyim's blog page just now.... still in work or something... but can be improved.... well i'm goin back already.... sian...
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silent nite....
::jufFeNder | | 2/02/2004 12:41:00 AM |
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the fan's blowin.... the aircon's running... my stomach's growling.... it's a brand new day and as usual i greet it in front of the comp.... well i have soccer prac later. been a while since i went for prac.... been busy and tired. but shall make up for it today. i'll introduce em my champagne gold adidas boots with my name and no 19 on it too. yeah got it sewed onto my boots. so no one will steal em... haha. a price i have to pay to keep my boots safe. well, i'm super hungry right now. the lontong is in the kitchen... might just head there after this but someone told me that u need at least 4 hrs to digest ur food. so shld i stay till 4 am?? GUESS NOT!! they'll digest it in my sleep..... and i think i'm getting the sore throat too. can feel tt dry thingy and i'm always coughing. dang.... TB??@@!! shan't curse myself.... cos someone will care for me... someone i dunno... someone who i hope to know... someone who dunno that i know that she knows how to care for pple she dunno.... confused? yes!! hahahahahahaa... i'm goin bonkers... well just now i played ard with the photos i had and came up with tt background thingy. will work on it and make it more interesting i hope... in the meantime, u guys take care and may God Bless....
"sometimes parents have a different way to show u how they care. u just haven noticed it yet....take care"
Sunday, February 01, 2004
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aidiladha
::jufFeNder | | 2/01/2004 10:14:00 PM |
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assalamualaikum to fellow muslim frens and ahoyks to fellow hybrids who frequent my blogsite. well, today's hari raya aidiladha or otherwise known as hari raya haji in singaporean context. went to my uncle's place where all my aunts and uncles gather every yr during aidilfitri and aidiladha. as usual there'll be the laughter tt raises ur hair and the little whispers of the "little female cousin's club"... well they're secretive abt everything it seems. but the little boys... hmmm there's only 3 to 4 of em... they'll stick to playing games and making a huge hoo-hah abt it. tt's the typical scene for u on every visit tt i make there. OF COURSE.... there's always this usual remark..."JUFFRY!! wah so tall!!" like i get that everytime i meet my aunts and uncles. comparisons were made etc etc.... i just hate comparisons.... sometimes it'll just put u in the pressure zone. they used to compare schools... wat level ur studies are at... and now they even compare height... running out of topic?? NO... cos there's always something to talk abt between them. and mum usually make it an 8 hr marathon. talking abt everything under the sun. well today me and my bro left early cos we were just super bored with nothing to do. basically i just sat there and rot. minggled a bit but not much cos there's nothing to talk abt. the usual stuff... NS, studies, NS, studies.... yeah tt's abt it.... we basically have a life of our own to live. and sometimes we guys dun share our personal lives unlike the girls... not the time yet maybe. but hell... i'm home now.... almost the end of the day as well.... gotta start doing my "4 mths in PA" report.... so much to write but as per normal... lazy man.... gotta make do..... still got soccer tml with "karipap FC".... hehe.....i'll punch in later before i sleep if i cld....
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