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||--str|v3 n3ver t0 eQuaL buT t0 exCeL--||
Sunday, November 27, 2005
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blast the rain and hail the experience
::jufFeNder | | 11/27/2005 01:38:00 PM |
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was out with my dear yesterday, after meeting up with the guys for a chit chat session. and it rained while riding!!! how terrible! i know. sorry hunny. got u all drenched and u had to endure the cold wind and dust etc etc... i'll get a car in the future i hope. at least long travels wun be so much of a pain in the butt. altogether after we timed it, we were on the road for an approximate 6 hrs. yeah now you can understand the pain in the butt concept.
but she led me to places which i never thought existed. like the place above. didn't knew it existed till she told me about it. so we went round singapore exploring places which people don't really know about. an adventure so to speak. but if only we had a car and a more luxurious ride to be in when the rain came pouring on and off. insyallah maybe in a few years or so, i'll get one.
but it's pretty nice sitting down by the beach, talking and reminiscing times. just enjoying each other's company, hand in hand, side by side. pretty much a splendour in which only god can explain.
Friday, November 25, 2005
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love is randomly accurate
::jufFeNder | | 11/25/2005 01:40:00 AM |
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it's not because i don't have the words to say
it's just that you take my breath away
your eyes
your smile
and the precious feel of warmth you give me
everytime
everyday
every single moment
without even breathing a word to start the day
amazing is the horizon
painted orange, blue, red, white, grey and yellow
impossible sounds it
but they grace the evening with you
why, i may ask all the time
but the answers will always remain a mystery
and they'll always breach the insecurity
whether there's one, two or three
and it's not just the constellations and the clouds i share
but the feelings, ambitions and dreams...
with you, i dare
take my hand and never let me go
let that lead us to wherever the light might show
i apologise
sometimes i make you worry
and the silence that sometimes i carry
thoughts shared with you
the mean everything to me
though never perfect
i am complete...
thoughts in my head, all over the place... don't have to make sense but i write not to make any sense but i write nonetheless. i'm in love.....
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
just updating this thing. here's a rekept of what's been happening the last week and stuffs which i've not spoken of considering today's tuesday already.
monday to friday and saturday....
was basically paying the doc a visit with my bro down with a viral infection in which the doc was worried it might be dengue fever. but after 4 blood tests and a visit each to the hospital and the CDC, it's just viral and he's recovering pretty steadily i should say. so that's great.
sunday
had a jammin session with the guys of edition 3. and yes we are not just rusty, we are super rusty. must have more enthusiasm when enterin the jammin room next time. i've lined up and listed out the songs that we're gonna play for the next comin session which is this sunday as well. gonna try to drag my bro along. get him accustomed on the drums since he's havin his last paper today. so yeah, it's time we had a band of brothers goin on.
okie other updates..........
this is the one which many might have known already. i've been accepted by the force. i'm gonna join them as a storm trooper rather than a jedi knight. but come to think of it, i'll be a storm trooper with a light saber. finally received the confirmation letter telling me to report on the 13th of december to collect my posting order from Training Command. and following that, 14th will be my first official day at work at the division. wherever they post me to that is.
but in the meantime, 'll be helping out my old workplace of PAD with their bumper issue due in december. had a call from boss and jon requesting me to come back and help em out with the assignment. it's like an assignment based kinda job. so i'll still be doin the journalism work for em till the 8th of december. everything falling into place pretty nicely at the moment. so that's cool. at least something to keep me occupied before i start the actual policing work. i shall treat it as a warm up training me to wake up earlier and handle responsibilities all over again. great.
life's been picking up lately. after months of insecurities of whether i could get a job has finally been answered. time to stick to life's motto. strive not to equal but to excel. hope i'll do fine for the new job.
Monday, November 21, 2005
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poster mirage
::jufFeNder | | 11/21/2005 11:32:00 PM |
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Saturday, November 19, 2005
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get well soon bro...
::jufFeNder | | 11/19/2005 09:56:00 AM |
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a little tap on the feet from mum way early in the morning must not mean a good thing. and i got that this morning. 05:30 was the number on the clock as my eyes came into focus. then heard mum tellin my dad that it's best to go now.
well, my younger bro's been down with this fever-like symptoms and trust me, it's not that good at all. unlike the normal fever, he's been in and out of drowsiness, vomitted countless times and yeah can't consume much these few days. mum's been accompanying him for a total of 6 days now. been to the doc almost everyday now. ran thru 2 blood tests and i think there's more to come. but thru all the medicatiom, his health is more or less stagnant, if not deteriorating. that's when we decided it's time to head to the hospital.
got to tan tock seng at 06:00 or so. got his blood tested out again but not before he squeezed out whatever was inside of him into the plastic bag he had in hand. so i was the one answering the questions for him when questioned.
waited for an hour to an hour and a half before the results came back. his blood platelets had been low the couple of days. normal people would have the count of 160, but his is on the 126 on thursday, 108 on friday and now after being fed numerous medication, it's back up on 122. but still it's not enough. so the nurse told me that he won't be warded but she'd arrange for him to visit the CDC for a specialist analysis come monday.
it's been pretty hectic so far. i kinda realise that i have to prioritise him before anything else right now. i'll give and take along the way but i want him to be fine before i can free my conscience and be a good brother for once. cos you won't know what could happen next right? i just don't wanna be there when things can't be helped anymore cos that's so wrong. i'm not wishing for anything bad to happen and i don't want anything bad to happen to anyone in my family or anyone close to me. i'd wanna be there and help with whatever i can, wasting time and resources so that the person could feel better in the end. so that explains it. my time is divided for now. but i feel that it's the right thing to do. anything just to get him better. i know i'll face all his nonsense in the future, but yeah at least it's better than seeing him in this state now.
get well soon bro.... we'll be praying for you.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
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serenity
::jufFeNder | | 11/16/2005 08:40:00 AM |
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morning mist painted the surrounding grey
time... 6.45am
the horizon looked bleak
as the cold embraced my fragile body
somehow it seemed peaceful
that's before the mist lifts
but i'll embrace it while it lasts
i am a random person....
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
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bleed and whine
::jufFeNder | | 11/08/2005 04:37:00 PM |
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i woke up at around 0530hrs feeling liquidated stuff flowing freely from my nose. thought it was just the morning surfer doing a 360 in the barrel of my nose but it was not to be. the sight of dark stains on my hands and the taste of unfamiliar liquid soon got my brain thinking that it's not a dream. yeah i bled in the wee hours of tuesday morning.
went to the sink and washed my head and rinsed my nose clearing blood out of the system. sat down with a piece of tissue stuffed into my nose as i tilted my head back to stop the blood from gushing out again. but nonetheless, it flowed through my throat instead. grose i know but i gotta swallow it having thought that the sink was just too far away for me to dispose of the red stuff.
went back to sleep after that in my not so familiar position, facing the ceiling. usually i'd sleep proning, smashing my face onto the contour of the pillow, heading to dreamworld in a mess. but this time, it's different. had a tissue box on standby in case i need to shove it into my nose once more.
alrighty, enough on the bloody nose escapade in the wee morning.
anyway, i was set thinking the last few days. do couples who got married actually have the same feeling after they have kids and such. take my parents for example. why do they got married in the first place? is it out of love? or is it like predetermined marriage? i doubt so... heck i don't even know what got them together in the first place. it's pretty amazing that they end up quarelling like everyday of the week now.
like yesterday, and the day before......
take first day of raya, the next day of raya... the next next day of raya... hell, i'd go before that if i wanna.
what's wrong with em? well, maybe mum can't stand the fact that dad can't set a good example for the kids and yet dad wants us to become better as a human being with his untimely advices and remarks. very contradicting of his actions mind you. if i were to bluntly say it, i'd say they'd go their separate ways years ago if there weren't the five of us holding them together at separate ends. evil i know, but as their kid, i'd say they're better off on their own. then dad can do whatever he wants, eat whatever he desires and die a lonely death. and mum on the other hand, can tone down her voice and ease her mind on caring for the uncaring and focus her energy on something more positive.
if all these makes sense, then it seems like i'm yearning for a broken home. but i'm not. cos if i could change things, i would. but i'm what they call a small fry. i wanna live by taking the worst example in people and not instill them in me. for this case, i wanna be a good husband and father who cares for his wife and kids. at least listen to them and know when i'm in the wrong, and admit it for god's sake. it doesn't hurt to apologise. it'll cause a dent in a man's ego for sure, but what good is a perfect orb of an ego will do to me? nothing. it'll cause a wreck instead. for god's sake, if there's things that needs to be clarified, i'd thrash it out with my spouse and if i'm in the wrong, i'd apologise. i wanna live life knowing that i can come home to a happy family who loves me. not coming home to a place where i can spend the night and can't wait to head out in the morning yearning freedom to do whatever i want. at least i'm talking things out with ida when she knows that i need to clarify stuff. and she'd listen. i'd apologise knowing that i've hurt her by keeping things from her and such. and i love her more by doing just that. it's the understanding and the bond we create from this that spurs a better relationship. so why can't mum and dad just pick it up from us?!!
too bad dad can't read this. he doesn't even know this exists. but who is he to care. he doesn't care. maybe in the past he used to. but maybe somewhere along the path, he had a change of heart.
see, i'm a whiner. but i can't help it when all these things are happening in front of me and there's not a god damn bit i can do about it. i don't need counselling. they do. or at least dad does.
Friday, November 04, 2005
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salam aidilfitri....
::jufFeNder | | 11/04/2005 03:11:00 PM |
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salam aidilfitri to one and all.
i seek forgiveness for my bad deeds towards all of you.
if i had inadvertantly hurt you from the way i speak or write or through my irrational actions, please forgive me.
may this month of festivity be a delightful one.
cheers! salam aidilfitri once again....
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
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been a while
::jufFeNder | | 11/02/2005 12:27:00 AM |
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november....
been quite far back since 2005 started huh....
i should stop whining....
out....
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